No matter how many years pass or how many times our respective lives change I find myself perpetually drawn back to the same man. We’ve never had a relationship in the traditional sense and the odds are very much against that ever happening but we are tried and true friends to the point that the term “soul mates” frequently crosses my mind.
During our friendship (with benefits) he has ventured off in to relationships with other women and I, being chronically single by choice, back away. My intent has always been to let him find happiness and completion if it’s out there for him. We keep in touch but I keep my distance so my presence in his life doesn’t muddy the waters. I have no doubt that if any woman became jealous of me and told him to chose between us, he would send her packing. Since he’s younger than me and marriage and children could still be possible for him, I don’t want to stand in his way. The problem is that he always seems to chose partners with whom he is destined to fail to the point that I often wonder if he’s purposefully setting himself up for that inevitable failure.
He’s been single again for several months now and we jumped right back in to our thing. The attraction between us is mystifying. I have never wanted to be with a man so much before in my life. The spark never fades no matter how much we grow and change.
We live a good distance apart and since I needed to be in his town for work this week, I went to see him. I would spend the night at his place so that I could attend an early morning meeting a few miles from his place. From the moment I walked through the door I could tell that something was different. The sexual tension was seeping from his pores like the visible fumes around a gas pump. It was heavy and almost unsettling.
He surprised me with a primal and aggressive advance that was completely unlike him and I melted in to it like it was the thing that I’d been waiting for all of my adult life. Our intimacy was wild and rough and I was overwhelmed by his level of passion. Then, things took another interesting turn. By his urging, we touched more intimately and sensually than we ever had before and slept in each others arms.
I don’t know what this evolution means for us but I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes! If it continues, I might find myself rethinking my chronically single status and giving that “real relationship” idea more thought.