You have someone special in your life who takes up much of your time and, although you aren’t in a relationship, you see each other exclusively. After months, or years, in some cases, you decide that you would like to take things to the next level. When you mention this to them, they panic and you’re devastated. You don’t understand. You know they enjoy being with you. They’re with you all the time! You begin to question their intentions. You wonder if they are playing you. You think there may be someone else. You may also wonder why they think you aren’t worthy of a relationship and begin to doubt yourself.
This isn’t a time for you to overthink or create these kinds of scenarios. This is a time to listen and observe. If you truly care for this person, you need to hear what they’re telling you.
If they tell you that they’re happy with things the way they are, believe them. If they tell you that they aren’t ready for a relationship, believe them. If they want to hold on to you, but don’t want to commit to you, believe them, and, if you find yourself still wanting more than they are willing to give, leave.
You may think that if they call you every day and have sex with you every chance they get they will eventually feel comfortable enough to commit to you. They won’t. You can’t make someone love you by giving them more of what they already don’t appreciate.
You may think that you can convince them that you’re the one. You can’t. It’s likely that they already love you, or, at least, care very deeply for you because they want you in their life. If they fear that they might lose you, you may succeed in convincing them to make a commitment that they aren’t ready for. It won’t last and one or both of you will likely harbor resentment toward the other.
Communication is a two-way street. It takes truth from the speaker and acceptance from the listener. They’re saying, “I don’t want to have a relationship with you”, and you’re hearing, “I’m confused and need you to make me realize that I will be happy with you.” These situations often end with the pursuer feeling used and misled when in reality, the other person has been honest about their intentions from the start.
If you care for this person but can’t be happy with an unspoken commitment or casual “situationship” you are better off ending it before you create unnecessary animosity. Allow them the time to work on their commitment issues while opening yourself up to new experiences. You may come together at a later time when they are more stable. You may find what you’re looking for with someone else. Either way, you will both be better off.
If you do decide to stick it out with them, make certain that your intentions are pure and that you’ll be fulfilled by the level of commitment that your partner is willing to give. Happiness, for both of you, should be the goal.